Late Night with Wufei
Wufei: Welcome all practitioners of justice and other manly practices to "Late Night For Great Justice with Wufei", the show where I have guests, talk to them, then promptly whittle their egos into nothing more than crushed crackers for the betterment of humanity, as well as my ego. As usual, before we get to our guest, I'd like to show a clip of our last show, in this case with was with Darrel, also known as Naruto, of Darrel's Kickboxing Adventure! of 4Kids fame.
Wufei: So, how is the localization process coming along?
Darrel: Hur hur hur... CHEESE!
Wufei: Sadly for your friend Naruto, the good people over at 4kids edited a little bit TOO much. But speaking of new acquisitions, it was announced at E3, as well as at Anime Central, that the brand new hit series Full Metal Alchemist was acquired by Funimation. Merely seconds after the announcement, fanboys and fangirls nationwide began to bawl into their respective Livejournals, much to the rest of the world's annoyance. And seeing a good opportunity for Justice, I quickly signed Edward, the star of the show, on to be my next guest. So here he is, Ed!
Edward: Okay, let's get this over with.
Wufei: Finally, someone that speaks my language. So, you're from a brand new anime, so new it's still airing in Japan?
Edward: Yes, Full Metal Alchemist.
Wufei: That's also your nickname, right?
Edward: Yup, 'cause my arm's all metal and stuff.
Wufei: Well... that and you're full of it.
Edward: Full of kicking your ass!
Wufei: Of course you are. So in this show, you run around using "alchemy", correct?
Wufei: Isn't that just like magic?
Edward: Magic? You mean that stuff were some dorky idiot spouts off some insane gibberish, like "klaatu barada nikto", or a stupid word, like "fireball", or "dragon slave", and stuff just happens for no apparent reason, except that it's "magic"? Like hell! We alchemists use a far superior basis for our work. The Principle of Equivalent Trade!
Wufei: And that means...?
Edward: I clap my hands together and stuff happens.
Wufei: Like the Clapper?
Edward: Yeah, but only with more explosions.
Wufei: And that makes sense how?
Edward: About as much sense as giant robots.
Wufei: Like your brother?
Edward: At least he has a soul!
Wufei: Hey, Nataku has ten times more soul than your little twerp of a brother will ever have, shorty!
Edward: I'LL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!
Wufei: Hold up man, chill. Put down the large unwieldy sword that was previously your seat. Sorry I called you short.
Edward: ... All right, but watch it.
Wufei: You can bet on that. So, I'm curious, what's your goal in Full Metal Alchemist?
Edward: To find the Philosopher's Stone. It's this really cool stone that allows my Clapper to be ten times more efficient AND makes Julian fries!
Wufei: And you spend the entire anime looking for this?
Edward: Pretty much, yeah.
Wufei: Huh. *thinks* Ever read about a guy named Harry Potter?
Edward: No... Who's he?
Wufei: A wizard.
Edward: Oh, then he sucks.
Wufei: Suck he may, but he already found the Philosopher's Stone.
Edward: Wait, really?
Edward: Cool! Thanks man, you've really helped a lot then, I mean I thought was going to have to spend 52 episodes for that thing and now I can just-
Wufei: Too bad he destroyed it.
Edward: I'LL KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP!
Wufei: You and everyone else that has a Malfoy complex. But speaking of killing people in their sleep, I hear your show was recently acquired by Funimation?
Edward: Yeah, I found out about it a week before the announcement.
Wufei: What are you're thoughts about it?
Edward: Well, they plan on dubbing it in English and putting it in a popular block with other adult anime, so that it can reach the largest section of English-speaking fans while at the same time, reducing the amount of edits to a bare minimum. Oh, and we'll be releasing an uncut subtitled version along with the uncut dubbed version on DVD. So I'd say it's pretty awesome.
Wufei: That's strange, because looking at some of the various fans have said, one would think that you'd have a different opinion.
Edward: Really? What have they said?
Wufei: Oh, things like, "DEPRESSION OVERWHELMS ME!" And "Cartoon Network iz the devil NO ED NO!." And "OH NOZ I R SO SED!" Just to name a few.
Edward: Oh, those aren't fans. Those are fanboys and -girls. Completely different. You know, like stupid yaoi fans.
Wufei: Good lord, those are the worst.
Edward: Yeah, almost as bad as guys that take already existing characters and then using them in a lame vehicle like a talk show to push his own opinions on anime fandom onto people.
Wufei: I totally agree.
Edward: But that's okay, because I've already come up with a solution that will solve all the problems.
Edward: I've collected all the stupid fans that have been complaining about the whole license thing and herded them into a large corral.
Wufei: How'd you pull that off?
Edward: By dumping a large collection of fansubs in the middle. Anyway, now that I have them all, I figured what better way to fix this by turning them into the world's largest fern sculpture of my brother Al.
Wufei: But I thought you were against human alchemy?
Edward: Oh, but I am! I just realized that well... These people just aren't human. Here we go!
*LARGE RED GLOWY SPECIAL EFFECT*
Edward: There! Now, see how much better it is like this?
Wufei: Nice technique! Hey, what's that lying beside it?
Edward: What, this small red stone glowing with plot? ...Holy hell! It's the Philosopher's Stone! Who knew that all it took was taking all the internet leeches transformed into a large shrubbery of my brother to- Aww crap.
Edward: It says "Made in Taiwan." Bootleg.
Wufei: Wow, I guess fansubs ARE bad for anime! And with that thought in mind, folks, goodnight!